Sry I called you an 8
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
