I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
