Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
