I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
