hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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