Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
