I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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