the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We had sex on a dog bed..
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
