she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
