he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
