My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
