just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
