So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
