the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
