I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
She made me pour olive oil on her.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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