I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
