Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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