Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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