the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
