Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
