I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
