You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
