I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
