Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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