We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
