In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Randomize
