hotel room ftw
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
