do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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