Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
