I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Randomize
