apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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