What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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