she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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