I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
