i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
