You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
