Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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