Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
