apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Randomize
