So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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