K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Randomize