She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
