If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
