i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I stole a fireplace last night.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
