Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
