Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
