May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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