What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
