did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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