i think i have two assholes
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
