You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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