New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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