I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Do vagina's smell?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
