So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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