i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
